Advent
by Dorminchu
Summary: To what depths must one sacrifice for the greater good?
a/n: Man, Femto/Griffith/whatever the dickens you want to call him, is a real piece of work. He's like Lord Voldemort minus the hammy shouting and a smidge more self-control...well, at least until Guts leaves. He is a blast to write for, though. Thoughts always appreciated; don't go easy on me just because I've never written for **_Berserk_**.

* * *

I cannot bear it any longer. I've lost all but my mind in the span of a single year. You cannot know what it does to a man, and I would not expect it of you.

And that is why I am here now. On my knees and the water rushes around me.

There's a wet wooden pike sticking out of the riverbank. I gaze at it and wonder. I lean forward.

It would not be painless. It would not be quick. I imagine it: Choking on my own blood. Wretched and alone and utterly helpless.

Stop.

Not like this.

I don't want to die like this. The Hawk will find me, and I can't bring myself to leave them, or to face them in such a state.

I cannot weep. I can't make a sound.

Words will not suffice.

And that is when I see the glimmer beneath the water. My hands are useless but my arms plunge and catch the string, the familiar cord.

And my old friend gleams with water, crimson in the sunlight.

I would laugh. I cannot. I must rasp for joy.

This is why I have been brought here.

* * *

Now you're running towards me with a shout. The dead rise from the water around me as I watch you and the sun is drawing to a perfect eclipse.

If only you knew what is going to happen.

But you don't. And it won't make a difference, in the end. So I won't try and stop you.

The belheit awakens with a scream.

* * *

Inside the world there is only hell. A sea of screaming faces.

And They find me, as They promised. They tell me what must be done. A choice must be made.

I accept.

There can be no remorse.

* * *

When we meet again, the rest of the Hawks are dead. You stand before me, an echo of the boy you once were.

I know that you're afraid of what I've become. And you have every right to fear me. But what is the point of such a long-awaited reunion without a proper greeting? You look on as Casca descends to the earth. She's conscious, but only just. Freshly bared. The blood of the damned smears her skin, and little cuts mark her body where the sharp teeth of the spawn have pierced through armour.

She mumbles my name. I ignore her for the moment and look at you. She was strong of heart in the heat of battle, always such a fighter. Now she is pitiful. She knows the truth and yet she reacts almost automatically under such a mechanical touch, mewling; for which one of us, I am unsure. Perhaps her mind has broken at last.

When you gave her your heart, did you think of me, as I have thought of you? Or did you truly love each other? You must have. That's why you're struggling so.

You hack away at your arm with all the grace of a maddened animal. It doesn't matter. You'll bleed out soon. Nothing will matter after you're gone. But you manage to free yourself. The spawn watch as your body betrays you; stagger, and fall upon your knees and that stump of an arm, wavering, before you look upon me again. I watch as you rise and charge for me.

I know I cannot stop you; I hold you, if only for a moment. I look into your eyes and find hatred blazing there. In the three years we have fought alongside one another you've never looked at me like this. I cannot blame you.

But I can toss you aside. Imagine, now, the absurdity; a man of your size hefted easily into the air, weightless as a feather. And you crash to the sea of screaming faces. Rise again with a bellow and the spawn are upon you faster than you can react. The loss of blood has weakened you; you are stronger than many a man, but even you cannot fend them off.

You struggle as you fall, crushed to the floor of anguished faces. I no longer wish to look at her. She speaks to you, and I hear no words but a soft semblance of comfort.

A great talon snaps forth from the crowded shadows and grabs your head, holds you to the ground. I want you to watch this. I want you to remember it until you die. You were the one who distracted me from my dream. You won the right to walk away. I'm simply winning you back. You can understand why I'm doing this, can't you? I'm not ready to let you go.

And she is a part of this now. We will go together.

And yet. Fate will not have this.

Another intervenes, and you're gone again.

No matter.

I have marked you, and her. The shadows will find you where I cannot.


End file.
